Sisterhood of the Traveling Couch

I had a request to blog about "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Couch" cleverly titled by Susan Wilson.

There is this relationship that you can't quite understand fully unless you have it: Sisterhood. I love my sisters, they are my best friends. They are always there for me, they tell me the truth even when it hurts, they understand why I am the way I am and don't hold it against me too much, haha. Needless to say I can always count on my sisters and they can count on me.

Yesterday Melissa found a couch (with the help of Susan) at a garage sale. Well, Jacque has been needing a new couch for awhile now, but with a dog and little kids she didn't really want to commit to anything new. Now, the couch that Jacque had Melissa found at a garage sale years ago. When she found a new one it was just fitting that it came in the same form...in more ways than where it came from...it was the same exact set of a couch, over sized chair and ottoman.

Mike and I had the day off yesterday, I was out of school and he took his personal day. We got a call from Melissa asking us if we could go get this new furniture and take it to Jac's house. Of course we said yes. Mel asked me to call Jac and tell her we would do it. When I did she was very thankful and admitted she was afraid to ask us because she knew it was our day off. We didn't even think twice about if we would do it or not. That is how family and sisterhood works. You just do it.

My sisters (and mom) and I have this innerfamily trade system. We just take care of things in the moment and worry about payment later. Yesterday mom bought us a heater, last week I got a phone cover for Mel, this weekend Jac bought our dinner...you see my point? I love our relationship, we trust eachother and never have to worry if things are going to work out.

I love my sisters (and my mom)!

God has a sense of humor...

Yesterday morning as I was getting ready I prayed that the Lord would reveal Himself to me throughout the day. Of course He did.

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, these are always a bit emotional for me. I guess I just never know what to expect and that always stirs up the emotions. Anyway...as I was having a bit of a breakdown the doctor came around the counter and he just hugged me. At bible study we've been talking about our heavenly/earthly father. Well sometimes you just need a hug from your daddy/grandpa and unfortunately I don't have any of those anymore. So the Lord gave me a big "it's gonna be ok" hug that only a dad can give through my awesome doctor.

Later I was headed to the store, I needed milk. I had to go to Walmart because I get special milk that is only sold there. I had already been a few places all over town and had a few more to go, I was kinda just ready to be home. I walk up to the milk case and the whole section is empty...except one container of my special milk. Literally the whole thing is empty, except that one. I just started laughing, thinking the Lord is revealing Himself to me through milk. What a goof ball! That made me then think of that whole heavenly/earthly father thing. If you knew my dad you know that the perfect way to describe his sense of humor is as a goof ball!

Thank you Lord for who You are!!! Shine, Bright!

Top 10 of what is happening lately (no special order)...

10. Enjoying the drive: Blasting K-love while driving with the windows down
9. Trips to OK: Tis the season of driving south every couple weekends and soaking in the orange and of course loving the red dirt!
8. The weather: I love 100 degree weather and I love 70 degree weather so really I'm just happy to enjoy it all.
7. My J-O-B: This year is going great with my fun student. I am loving my two favorite 1st grade teachers and really loving the new drive time of 30 minutes.
6. Fall: On the first day of Fall my amazing husband sent me 4 bushels of beautiful mums.
5. Baking: Birthday season makes for some great baking. Today I made "scooby snacks" for Levi's 2nd Birthday party on Sunday.
4. Orange and black: Loving being back in Stillwater for games.
3. Sewing: I made a new bag this week out of old football jersey's and cute grey and white polka dots.
2. Our new house: I am loving decorating and having my own space for the first time ever!
1. Football season: Southeast finally won a game last night, the boys were pumped! OSU is rockin it too!

Blessings

Lately the Lord has really been working in me. He shows me daily how much He loves me even when I don't deserve it.

In the most common ways He is there. The other day I was dreading a conversation that I knew was coming up, the Lord stepped in and took care of it for me, I didn't have to even make the call. I can't count on both hands how many times daily I see Him working in my life.

Yesterday I found out that the student I work with during the school year is going to be in a certain class. I was hoping for this outcome and had some anxiety while the decision was being made. There He is again working for me, not what feels like against me.

Today we got a call from the apartments that we've been looking at for the last couple weeks. We got approved and will be moving in August. Unfortunately we won't be able to move in until the 10th or later, but none the less we are taking a step and moving. Another situation that was causing me anxiety went from a worry to a blessing.

Today I went for a procedure to find out if there were any problems with my falopian tubes. The test went well and the doctor saw no cause for concern. The Lord has blessed me once again. We are still waiting for a baby to be made, but in the mean time I am so thankful that I'm finally seeing the blessings instead of the things that feel painful and make me feel defeated.

I am so blessed to have great Christian friends, an amazing supportive family, and the best husband a woman could ask for by my side.  I told my 3rd graders on Sunday morning that I loved the songs we sing in the Ballpark on Sundays and that they get stuck in my head every week. So, I will leave you with some that are running through my head... "The Lord is for me not against me!" "Shout it out that I love Jesus, tell the world that GOD IS GOOD!"

It has been a month!

Wow...I can't believe it has been more than a month since I last posted. Well of  course a lot has happened and we've just been going non stop.
Let's see, last month was the River Fest. Now some people hate it, some kinda enjoy it, but I love it. I have always loved it. My family has been going to the River Fest my whole life plus some. I don't mind the change in dates, I don't mind the craziness of the River Run, I love eating at the food court even though it is bad for you and expensive, and I love being with friends and family in downtown Wichita.

Mike, Levi, and Me eating a curly fry loaf

Lanie, Mom, Levi, and Jac watchin fireworks

Lanie, Me, and Levi finishing the River Run

On a not so fun note we had to make 2 different trips to Beggs, OK for funerals in the last month. The first was a classmate of Mike's. Unfortunately I've been to quite a few funerals in my life, but I seriously think the sermon at this funeral was the best I've ever heard. I loved the way Pastor Williams made the message of salvation relateable to the man who died and all of those who knew and loved him. The second funeral was Mike's Aunt Lousie. Both of theses deaths were very unexpected and I could see that in the grief of the ones close to them. Mike's family joined together and celebrated Lousie. From everything I heard about her I learned she loved family and wanted them all together "like old times." She was smiling down from heaven as her family came together in great food, dancing, and great conversation.

Home Sweet Home

Mike, his mom, sisters, niece, and nephews



While home we were able to hang out with some of Mike's amazing friends. I'd never met some of them, but by the end of the night I was one of them, not a married in outsider, but one of the gang.

some of Beggs class of '03

We did some birthday celebrations as well in the last month. Lanie and I went to Lena's 2nd birthday party. Our family had a couple birthdays. My sweet niece Lanie celebrated her 3 1/2 birthday. 1/2 birthday you ask? Well, Lanie was born on Christmas Eve so in order for her to have friends over for a party on her birthday my sister Jacque decided to celebrate her 1/2 birthday with a big party each year.

Lena's Party

Lanie's cake (made by Gma Kay) and the smart and beautiful Lanie Noel

I love my family. I have cousins all over the US, a lot in town, and some extra special ones in Grand Junction, Colorado. Pricilla, Gracie, Ruby, Alice, and Milo came for a visit this last week. We had a great time with family get togethers at my Uncle's house, down by the River, and at a cousin's birthday party. When I was in high school my Grandma Donna took me to Grand Junction 3 summer's in a row. What a blessing! It was a great opportunity for me to travel, get to know my Grandma, and to get to know my cousins. The first summer I was there Alice stole my heart. She reminded me of my big sister and she treated me so kindly, making sure I was welcome and having fun. No matter how long we are apart we can reconnect in seconds and feel like we haven't missed a beat. Seeing Gracie and Ruby was such a blessing as well. I love that every time I hear or say Ruby I have two beautiful ladies to think of, Aunt Ruby and her Great Granddaughter Ruby Harlow. I know Ruby will grow up and live up to the legacy her GG left behind. I also got to see Molly, a cousin from North Carolina that I've not see in a long time! It was great to see her and her family.

Alice, Milo, Ruby, and Grace

The whole crew

Molly, Jess, and Zona and their families

Lastly, the Cabin.

I love our cabin in Oklahoma. Another summer tradition is going to the cabin and spending lots of time with family. I have always loved the cabin, I really can't get enough. We don't get to go out on the boat all day like old times, but we have fun! We play cards, cook good food, spend time at Hulah Lake, and enjoy our lack of technology (cell phones, TVs, movies, computers, etc.).

 Levi and Lanie playin in the Lake and Mike and the kids pretending to be asleep

This summer has been amazing so far! I've enjoyed all of it so far and there is a month full of fun and joy ahead of me to finish it. 

I'm going to finish up with a lil update of my last couple posts.

The process of having a baby...we are still working on it. We've worked out a way to make things a lil less expensive which is amazing. We still have a lot of unanswered questions, even the doctor is puzzled. I am having a procedure done this week to check more intensively what is going on inside of me. Pray it all works out and a baby is in our near future.

Losing weight...I've lost a few more pounds, not as many as I would have liked, but a few is better than none! Yesterday I tried on a pair of dress pants I wore to a wedding last summer that were pretty tight and they were too big! I couldn't wear them and I was so excited! I have a goal for the rest of the summer, I want to lose 10 pounds before school starts. This is a pretty tough goal for me, but we'll see what happens.

20/20

More posting to my blog this summer? Yes, please. I love to have more time to think through blogging.

What is 20/20? You may ask.

Drum roll please...that is how much weight Mike and I have lost! We have both lost 20 lbs., it has been since January when we realized we needed to get our act together and get healthy. The hard part was we are decently healthy to start with and figured we wouldn't have much success. BUT I would say 20/20 is a success. Do we still have a lot of work to do? YES. My final goal includes losing 40 more pounds. The best part about losing weight is actually doing it. Haha. I've lost weight before, but I put it back on pretty easy. In the last 5ish years I've been really GREAT at yo-yo dieting. A few pounds off and double back on and so on and so on and so on. I didn't really see 20 lbs. in 5 months as a great thing until I realized although it happened slowly I never put weight back on that I had lost. This time I've kept off every pound and that is very new.

So, you might ask how did we do it? Well...we've watched our eating and we are more active. At the beginning of the year we put all of our food into fitday.com. This showed us how many calories we were taking in and how much activity we were/not getting. This didn't last too long because it is a lot of work, but I very easily learned what I could or could not eat and what combinations worked together. This was a great starting point. Then I started to work out every morning before work. This was good, but a struggle. Not like you think, you would think I had a hard time getting up, nope that was the easy part. The hard part was I was not losing weight (I wasn't gainin either) because I was putting on muscle. Well, since school has been out I've not been working out as much, but I have been eating when I'm hungry. What a concept! During school it was hard because there were specified times during the day that I could or could not eat. Now I have an open book. I learned that you don't have to eat at 8am, noon, and 6pm. It is ok to eat at different times of the day. I've also learned that you don't have to eat a full meal. If you want a sandwich at 11am and then some yogurt at 12:30pm and then something else at 3pm that is ok. There are no rules to eating and meal times, which is something I kept forgetting. I can make my own rules! I love that idea. And lastly, if any of you know my husband you know he is a coach...this doesn't stop after he gets off the field. He is the best encourager and he loves to work out. Everyday he asks me to work out, he knows I don't like being told what to do, so he doesn't pressure me, but he does encourage me.

Next time I blog about losing weight it will not be 20/20...it will be greater! Go Johnson's Go! Hah.

Sharing my heart (caution: personal info and a little bit of sadness ahead)

Ok so to warn you this post is very personal. I have had some qualms about writing it...thinking maybe people wouldn't want to hear about my sadness, but then I got to thinking this is MY blog and if people don't want to read that is their choice. I was also thinking this morning that the title of this blog is Living to be me, is that true if I don't write about what is important to me? So here goes.

There is something in every woman's life that can be hell or can be a blessing. It is called their period. When you're young it is part of becoming a woman. Some people see it as a blessing when they get it, that means they're not pregnant and life can go on as normal. For me when it comes it brings high emotions (and mine are a roller coaster anyway), lots of tears, stress, and pain. Fun right? Hah (enter sarcastic face). In my teen life I was thankful when it came because it didn't come very often, I knew that wasn't normal, so when it came I was thankful. Which brings me to my point that now for the last two years I cry and feel heartbroken every month when I get my period. When you're trying to get pregnant getting your period is the last thing you want. Each month it comes and I start over in feeling discouraged and sad.

A year ago I missed a period and after peeing on a stick I found out I was pregnant. I can't explain the joy in that positive. I felt like a year of waiting was a long time and it was finally my time. A few weeks later I lost my sweet baby in a miscarriage. Now that was an entirely different feeling that once again I can't explain. Being told that it happens to a lot of women did NOT help me get through the pain. When I am grieving it doesn't help me to hear that it happens to other people. Maybe it is selfish, but I don't want to hear other's sorrow, I want to deal with my own in my own way.

A year later here I am praying each month I don't get my period. Each month I take pills on very specific days of my "cycle" (hate that term, but really there is not a better one), I get a sonogram that costs me $150 because insurance doesn't pay to help me have a baby (another subject for another day on how I feel about that),  I inject myself with a medicine that costs $100 for one shot, I pee on a stick for a week to test ovulation, we have scheduled sex (which is the only easy part of the process), and then I wait 2 weeks to find out if we were successful. THEN if I do start my period I still have to take a pregnancy test to be sure it's not a miscarriage. It is expensive, but that isn't the hard part. The obvious hard part is not getting pregnant.

Another struggle is the hormones. If you knew me before all of the medicine, you know I'm emotional anyway and if you know me after the medicine you can see the toll it is taking on me. Before the medicine I would be a mess sometimes, but now even more I cry unexpectedly, I can't control my mood swings, and I go from high to low in .25 seconds. These high doses of medicine screw with my hormones, which in turn correlates with the stress this causes our marriage. We have done really well considering. We've had some really rough patches, but in the end I am thankful that I married the man that I did. Mike is my rock here on earth and the fact that we both believe in God and have a relationship with Jesus is the glue to our relationship with each other.

Another struggle I have in this whole ordeal is comparing myself with other women. It kills me when I hear about women that get to prevent pregnancy until they are ready and then poof they are pregnant soon after starting to try. I feel so jealous, a feeling I hate and am working on, but it seems like I start at square one every time I come across these conversations. Another aspect is when you want to be pregnant and have a baby it seems like everyone else is getting what you want. It is just like when you are single and it seems like everyone you know is getting married.

I am so happy for all of my friends that are being blessed with little ones. I really am. Am I jealous? Yes of course, but I wouldn't want my sorrow to stop anyone else's happiness. In fact I've been watching Ari (my friend's baby) for a week now and it has been amazing. I look forward to my summer with her. I love being able to be the best Aunt possible while I'm waiting to be a mom. I've been so blessed to be able to take care of Lanie and Levi on many occasions in the last 3 and a half years. They help keep joy in my heart when I feel like the pain is overcoming me.

So, I guess it is important for me to let that out because not talking about it is worse for me than talking about it. I don't want anyone to think I am a bitter and depressed by all of this I just want to share my heart openly. I am trying to see God's plan in this and trying so hard to rejoice in the Lord always (Philippians 4:4).