Monday, December 12, 2011


I know the Lord is with me. I know the Lord loves me. I know He does nothing to hurt me.

I am feeling lonely. I am feeling unlovable. I am feeling hurt.

I'm in a really dark spot the last few days/weeks/years (who really knows). It is not consistent for more than a few days usually, but it reoccurs more than it seems I can handle. Most of you know that I love my Lord and I love His church. For this last week or so I don't want to go to church, I don't want to be apart of the Goddard launch, I don't want to lead Upper Elementary, I don't want to be apart of camp, I definitely don't want to go to anything where there are believers praising the Lord. In the deepest part of my soul I'm longing to be apart of the body, but on the top layers I'm just done.

I don't want pity. I don't want encouragement. I don't want this sorrow anymore.

I want to feel loved by my King. I want to simply want to. I want to give Him everything.

I am not blogging to make everyone depressed along with me, I just have to get it off my chest. I want to leave you with these words from one of my most favorite songs. I need to hear it. You need to hear it.

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises 
One day when sin was as black as could be 
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin 
Dwelt among men, my example is He 
Word became flesh and the light shined among us 
His glory revealed 

Living, He loved me 
Dying, He saved me 
Buried, He carried my sins far away 
Rising, He justified freely forever 
One day He’s coming 
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day 

One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain 
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree 
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected 
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He 
Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree 
And took the nails for me 

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer 
One day the stone rolled away from the door 
Then He arose, over death He had conquered 
Now He’s ascended, my Lord evermore 
Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him 
From rising again 

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming 
One day the skies with His glories will shine 
Wonderful day, my Beloved One, bringing 
My Savior, Jesus, is mine 

Oh, glorious day