Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Glimpses of heaven until we get there

From the pages of Beth Moore's study on the book of Esther...

"Beloved, when a moment like this comes, we need to take it. We often speak of happiness as a less noble term than joyfulness because the former is circumstantial and the latter less conditional. I won't argue with that, but when God intervenes in our circumstances and we get a chance not only to know we're blessed but feel blessed, nothing is more appropriate than seizing the happy moment. "A time of happiness" can come like a shot of B-12 to the soul to boost your system when darkness spreads once again like a virus.

One of the hardest challenges about taking advantage of a God-given time of happiness is the guilt of knowing that it coincides with someone else's sadness. No, we don't flaunt our light in someone else's darkness, but surely we can find a way to dip ourselves in the bubble bath of a second's bliss when it comes. Even if all we do is lean our heads back in the sunshine of our soul's Sabbath and take a minute to feel the glad emotion, it is meant by God to be medicine for our weary souls. Times of happiness are glimpses of heaven until we get there. Homesickness doesn't always feel sick. Sometimes it's a quick flash of happy that makes us long to find and keep it."

Today this made my heart cry and smile. No matter which side you're on, the hurt or the happy, it is not easy. When you are hurting it is so painful to see other's happy. When you are happy you do feel guilt because you know how that hurt feels. I've been on the hurt side a lot.

But right now, I am so happy, so blessed. I feel like each minute of the day I get a reminder of how great our God is and of the gift He has given me. God does intervene in our circumstances. He has blessed Mike and I, both labeled infertile by doctors, with the greatest blessing we could ever ask for, our baby girl. I couldn't have ever imagined how much I could love another human being...and she isn't even here yet!

God is good! I am so thankful for this glimpse of heaven until I get there.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Behind the secret.

I typed this awhile back and never published...I have this weird block that people don't want to read my crap, but then I remember I don't write this for others. I write to capture this time in my life for me. So here it is...

Well, since November I've been keeping a secret. The most exciting secret of my life! We just announced we are pregnant. So, now I am sharing the process.

On November 12th we had a counseling session, 6 months before this we had been required by Youthville to do 6 months of counseling before we could start our Home Study to be able to adopt or do foster care.
On November 14th I woke up and decided that before I contacted Youthville about our next steps that I would take a pregnancy test. When you are trying to have a baby, especially when you've been diagnosed "infertile," pregnancy tests become a hard process and a letdown. In May of 2010 we took a pregnancy test and it was positive! A few weeks later we lost our baby and were going through grief we had never experienced. Since May of 2010 I can tell you I took way too many pregnancy tests that were negative. Ok, back to November 14, 2012. I woke up expecting to see a negative test. Although I always expected negative...I always hoped for positive. After a few minutes I looked at the little plastic test and what did I see? TWO LINES. Not just one. TWO. At this point I was completely shocked and immediately terrified. I called Mike and told him our news...he couldn't believe what I was saying. I then called the doctor. They got me in that afternoon. When you've miscarried you don't wait awhile to go to the doctor, you go right away to get blood work done. I went and guess what? I was pregnant and the baby was doing ok. We found out we were 9 weeks pregnant. When I miscarried before I only made it to 7 weeks, so already I was given hope. 

On Friday we were schedule to have a sonogram. We got to see our little Gummy Bear! Not only did we hear the heartbeat we saw this precious gift and we even saw it move around. Mike and I were shocked. We had no idea how to react to this news for which we had been hoping. 

We shared the news with our Moms and I called or talked to my sisters. Everyone was shocked and brought to tears. For the last year we had been planning our adoption. For the last year we had quite the struggle of how to go about adopting...it is very expensive. We had gone though classes, counseling, major budgeting brainstorming, and so much time spent in prayer. 

We had another appointment to see our OB. We got to hear the heartbeat, it was a blessing to hear our baby was still doing well!

On Christmas Eve at my Dad's side we announced it to our family. Christmas Eve is a big deal at the Baum house. Santa comes every year to pass out presents. You have to go up and sit on his lap, get your picture taken, and then you get to see what he brought you. This year Santa brought me a book and Mike a gift card. Santa called Mike and I back up, he pulled out the last gift, a baby doll and a pack of diapers. Santa told the family that we were expecting! Most people were confused. Everyone knows we'd been trying to adopt, so most people asked if we had finally heard some news. It was such a unrealistic evening!

On New Years Eve we had a party in OKC that doubled as a going away party for Betty and Trevor. At the party we played a game where we wrote down a New Years Resolution, then Megan read them aloud and we had to guess which one belonged to each person. I wrote "to be the best mom I could be in June 2013." It was a great way to announce to my closest sorority sisters that we had an addition coming. 

For the next month we gradually told some of our closest friends. We got to hear the heartbeat again and everyday we felt more joy of what was happening in our life. God had given us a gift that we can't express how grateful we are to have.

Starting to show...20 weeks!

On Friday, February 1st we had our sonogram to find out if we are having a boy or a girl. 
So, in preparation for our announcement we got a couple things prepared. 
We planned a lunch with my mom, grandma, and sisters. 
For the lunch I made cupcakes, I had to get them done beforehand so I prepared blue and pink filled. 

To announce to the world and social media we did a photo shoot. 
We found outfits to represent a boy and a girl and then returned the one we didn't need. 

Next we had our appointment and found out we are having a girl! Yay! 
I prepared the shoes in a box and cupcakes for our reveal lunch with my
 Grandma, Mom, Sisters, and Niece and Nephew. 
My mom opened the shoes...

And the rest had the cupcakes...

After lunch we went to my sister's studio for our photo shoot. I may be biased, but I think my sister is an amazing photographer. We are so blessed to have her to do awesome things like this for us!

Looking forward to the road ahead!