Darkness

I know the Lord is with me. I know the Lord loves me. I know He does nothing to hurt me.

I am feeling lonely. I am feeling unlovable. I am feeling hurt.

I'm in a really dark spot the last few days/weeks/years (who really knows). It is not consistent for more than a few days usually, but it reoccurs more than it seems I can handle. Most of you know that I love my Lord and I love His church. For this last week or so I don't want to go to church, I don't want to be apart of the Goddard launch, I don't want to lead Upper Elementary, I don't want to be apart of camp, I definitely don't want to go to anything where there are believers praising the Lord. In the deepest part of my soul I'm longing to be apart of the body, but on the top layers I'm just done.

I don't want pity. I don't want encouragement. I don't want this sorrow anymore.

I want to feel loved by my King. I want to simply want to. I want to give Him everything.

I am not blogging to make everyone depressed along with me, I just have to get it off my chest. I want to leave you with these words from one of my most favorite songs. I need to hear it. You need to hear it.

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises 
One day when sin was as black as could be 
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin 
Dwelt among men, my example is He 
Word became flesh and the light shined among us 
His glory revealed 

Living, He loved me 
Dying, He saved me 
Buried, He carried my sins far away 
Rising, He justified freely forever 
One day He’s coming 
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day 

One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain 
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree 
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected 
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He 
Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree 
And took the nails for me 

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer 
One day the stone rolled away from the door 
Then He arose, over death He had conquered 
Now He’s ascended, my Lord evermore 
Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him 
From rising again 

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming 
One day the skies with His glories will shine 
Wonderful day, my Beloved One, bringing 
My Savior, Jesus, is mine 

Oh, glorious day 

A Carrie Heffernan Moment

So, today I pulled a Carrie Heffernan. My sister-in-law Brittany likes to joke about Mike and I being Doug and Carrie...well she isn't too far off. Have you seen the episode where Carrie orders her food at an Italian Restaurant and it comes with capers? She insists that she ordered it without them, saying that they got it wrong. Well, the waiter says to her that they will fix her order...she gets upsets thinking they don't need to fix it they need to make it correctly---big difference to her.
Well...I had the morning off so I went to Taco Shop on my way to work to get some lunch. I ordered 2 flour tacos with no sauce and a bean burrito mild. I've ordered this same order at Taco shop for the last 15 years, so I'm positive I ordered it correctly. She gave me the total it was $2.85ish...well considering the fact that I've been there let's guess at least 150 times I knew this wasn't right. I tried to correct her but I couldn't get her to respond. So I drive forward, instantly say, "Did you hear Flour tacos?" She says "Oh sorry let me fix that." At this point I'm ok, no freaking out. Then as the window is closing I hear her say to the people making the food, "She wants change it to Flour instead." Most people would brush this off, but the Carrie in me thinks...no no no, I did not want to change my order I wanted you to make it the way I asked. Now mind you I thought this, I said nothing...I paid, got my food, said thank you with a smile and drove on my way. Fortunately unlike Carrie I can filter (sometimes), but the only way for me to really get over it is to tell the story 47 times and make sure everyone knows that I was not at fault in this story. This time I will not do that. I will tell the story once on here...not to prove that it wasn't my mistake (bc maybe it was, maybe I wasn't clear when ordering, who cares anyway) but to let you laugh with me about my Carrie Heffernan moments :-)

Woven with Jen Hatmaker

The church formally known as Westlink Christian Church...well the name hasn't changed yet, but it is soon to come...puts on a women's gathering each month with different speakers for the women of the church, their guests, and other churches. This month Jen Hatmaker was the guest speaker, she is awesome!
I didn't really know much about her before going to hear her speak. At first glance I felt a little intemidated because she is really beautiful. As much as I try not to I always first judge someone on how they look. I guess because I'm insecure about myself, I look at those things in other (mostly) women. My first insecurity...my hair. It is one of those things that people don't talk about, me included. I have incredibly thin hair. So thin that it makes other people uncomfortable sometimes. I have no idea why I have such thin hair and it sucks! It sucks that it is just getting thinner. Anyway, Jen has an awesome head full of long dark beautiful curly hair, the kind of curly that isn't out of control. Not only does she have beautiful hair, but she is all around beautiful. She is thin, had a cute outfit and could "just pull it off." So first thought: she is beautiful, second thought: maybe she won't be very good...how rude! I know, rude. Why, because she is beautiful, I wanted her to fail? I hate that thought! That stupid Satan just plants thoughts in your mind that you don't even want to think! And you know what? God answered back to Satan because Jen was wonderful. She is funny, witty, sarcastic, and passionate. By the end I had laughed, I had cried, and although Jen is physically beautifully by the end of her speech I really could care less about how she looked. I was so wrapped up in what she was saying. I was so impressed by her spiritual beauty. She was raw and real. Something I love, I am so impressed when people can be real, I feel blessed by the ability to do so myself.
Ok so what did she have to say? Well, what I came home with was we are not "poor" no matter what I think, I've heard it before, but this time it stuck. We have two running cars, a roof over our head, and I never worry about being able to eat. Second, she spoke about as Christ Followers are we actually following Christ? Are we only reaching out to those who already know Christ? Yes, everyone needs to be reached, but are we too comfortable in just staying in our little church bubble? Jen didn't claim to have it all figured out, she didn't speak like she had all of the answers, but she spoke from her heart. She told about her life and how th Lord worked through her family. Third, she spoke about adoption. I'm not 100%, but I think she said if 1 of 7 Christians families adopted there wouldn't be any orphans. What a thought. As everyone knows Mike and I have been trying to have a baby for a couple years now. Of course adoption has been in our thoughts. Jen really made me think! So hats off to Jen because she is beautiful, a great speaker, and she has stepped out in her faith, something that is really hard for a lot of people to do.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Couch

I had a request to blog about "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Couch" cleverly titled by Susan Wilson.

There is this relationship that you can't quite understand fully unless you have it: Sisterhood. I love my sisters, they are my best friends. They are always there for me, they tell me the truth even when it hurts, they understand why I am the way I am and don't hold it against me too much, haha. Needless to say I can always count on my sisters and they can count on me.

Yesterday Melissa found a couch (with the help of Susan) at a garage sale. Well, Jacque has been needing a new couch for awhile now, but with a dog and little kids she didn't really want to commit to anything new. Now, the couch that Jacque had Melissa found at a garage sale years ago. When she found a new one it was just fitting that it came in the same form...in more ways than where it came from...it was the same exact set of a couch, over sized chair and ottoman.

Mike and I had the day off yesterday, I was out of school and he took his personal day. We got a call from Melissa asking us if we could go get this new furniture and take it to Jac's house. Of course we said yes. Mel asked me to call Jac and tell her we would do it. When I did she was very thankful and admitted she was afraid to ask us because she knew it was our day off. We didn't even think twice about if we would do it or not. That is how family and sisterhood works. You just do it.

My sisters (and mom) and I have this innerfamily trade system. We just take care of things in the moment and worry about payment later. Yesterday mom bought us a heater, last week I got a phone cover for Mel, this weekend Jac bought our dinner...you see my point? I love our relationship, we trust eachother and never have to worry if things are going to work out.

I love my sisters (and my mom)!

God has a sense of humor...

Yesterday morning as I was getting ready I prayed that the Lord would reveal Himself to me throughout the day. Of course He did.

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, these are always a bit emotional for me. I guess I just never know what to expect and that always stirs up the emotions. Anyway...as I was having a bit of a breakdown the doctor came around the counter and he just hugged me. At bible study we've been talking about our heavenly/earthly father. Well sometimes you just need a hug from your daddy/grandpa and unfortunately I don't have any of those anymore. So the Lord gave me a big "it's gonna be ok" hug that only a dad can give through my awesome doctor.

Later I was headed to the store, I needed milk. I had to go to Walmart because I get special milk that is only sold there. I had already been a few places all over town and had a few more to go, I was kinda just ready to be home. I walk up to the milk case and the whole section is empty...except one container of my special milk. Literally the whole thing is empty, except that one. I just started laughing, thinking the Lord is revealing Himself to me through milk. What a goof ball! That made me then think of that whole heavenly/earthly father thing. If you knew my dad you know that the perfect way to describe his sense of humor is as a goof ball!

Thank you Lord for who You are!!! Shine, Bright!

Top 10 of what is happening lately (no special order)...

10. Enjoying the drive: Blasting K-love while driving with the windows down
9. Trips to OK: Tis the season of driving south every couple weekends and soaking in the orange and of course loving the red dirt!
8. The weather: I love 100 degree weather and I love 70 degree weather so really I'm just happy to enjoy it all.
7. My J-O-B: This year is going great with my fun student. I am loving my two favorite 1st grade teachers and really loving the new drive time of 30 minutes.
6. Fall: On the first day of Fall my amazing husband sent me 4 bushels of beautiful mums.
5. Baking: Birthday season makes for some great baking. Today I made "scooby snacks" for Levi's 2nd Birthday party on Sunday.
4. Orange and black: Loving being back in Stillwater for games.
3. Sewing: I made a new bag this week out of old football jersey's and cute grey and white polka dots.
2. Our new house: I am loving decorating and having my own space for the first time ever!
1. Football season: Southeast finally won a game last night, the boys were pumped! OSU is rockin it too!

Blessings

Lately the Lord has really been working in me. He shows me daily how much He loves me even when I don't deserve it.

In the most common ways He is there. The other day I was dreading a conversation that I knew was coming up, the Lord stepped in and took care of it for me, I didn't have to even make the call. I can't count on both hands how many times daily I see Him working in my life.

Yesterday I found out that the student I work with during the school year is going to be in a certain class. I was hoping for this outcome and had some anxiety while the decision was being made. There He is again working for me, not what feels like against me.

Today we got a call from the apartments that we've been looking at for the last couple weeks. We got approved and will be moving in August. Unfortunately we won't be able to move in until the 10th or later, but none the less we are taking a step and moving. Another situation that was causing me anxiety went from a worry to a blessing.

Today I went for a procedure to find out if there were any problems with my falopian tubes. The test went well and the doctor saw no cause for concern. The Lord has blessed me once again. We are still waiting for a baby to be made, but in the mean time I am so thankful that I'm finally seeing the blessings instead of the things that feel painful and make me feel defeated.

I am so blessed to have great Christian friends, an amazing supportive family, and the best husband a woman could ask for by my side.  I told my 3rd graders on Sunday morning that I loved the songs we sing in the Ballpark on Sundays and that they get stuck in my head every week. So, I will leave you with some that are running through my head... "The Lord is for me not against me!" "Shout it out that I love Jesus, tell the world that GOD IS GOOD!"

It has been a month!

Wow...I can't believe it has been more than a month since I last posted. Well of  course a lot has happened and we've just been going non stop.
Let's see, last month was the River Fest. Now some people hate it, some kinda enjoy it, but I love it. I have always loved it. My family has been going to the River Fest my whole life plus some. I don't mind the change in dates, I don't mind the craziness of the River Run, I love eating at the food court even though it is bad for you and expensive, and I love being with friends and family in downtown Wichita.

Mike, Levi, and Me eating a curly fry loaf

Lanie, Mom, Levi, and Jac watchin fireworks

Lanie, Me, and Levi finishing the River Run

On a not so fun note we had to make 2 different trips to Beggs, OK for funerals in the last month. The first was a classmate of Mike's. Unfortunately I've been to quite a few funerals in my life, but I seriously think the sermon at this funeral was the best I've ever heard. I loved the way Pastor Williams made the message of salvation relateable to the man who died and all of those who knew and loved him. The second funeral was Mike's Aunt Lousie. Both of theses deaths were very unexpected and I could see that in the grief of the ones close to them. Mike's family joined together and celebrated Lousie. From everything I heard about her I learned she loved family and wanted them all together "like old times." She was smiling down from heaven as her family came together in great food, dancing, and great conversation.

Home Sweet Home

Mike, his mom, sisters, niece, and nephews



While home we were able to hang out with some of Mike's amazing friends. I'd never met some of them, but by the end of the night I was one of them, not a married in outsider, but one of the gang.

some of Beggs class of '03

We did some birthday celebrations as well in the last month. Lanie and I went to Lena's 2nd birthday party. Our family had a couple birthdays. My sweet niece Lanie celebrated her 3 1/2 birthday. 1/2 birthday you ask? Well, Lanie was born on Christmas Eve so in order for her to have friends over for a party on her birthday my sister Jacque decided to celebrate her 1/2 birthday with a big party each year.

Lena's Party

Lanie's cake (made by Gma Kay) and the smart and beautiful Lanie Noel

I love my family. I have cousins all over the US, a lot in town, and some extra special ones in Grand Junction, Colorado. Pricilla, Gracie, Ruby, Alice, and Milo came for a visit this last week. We had a great time with family get togethers at my Uncle's house, down by the River, and at a cousin's birthday party. When I was in high school my Grandma Donna took me to Grand Junction 3 summer's in a row. What a blessing! It was a great opportunity for me to travel, get to know my Grandma, and to get to know my cousins. The first summer I was there Alice stole my heart. She reminded me of my big sister and she treated me so kindly, making sure I was welcome and having fun. No matter how long we are apart we can reconnect in seconds and feel like we haven't missed a beat. Seeing Gracie and Ruby was such a blessing as well. I love that every time I hear or say Ruby I have two beautiful ladies to think of, Aunt Ruby and her Great Granddaughter Ruby Harlow. I know Ruby will grow up and live up to the legacy her GG left behind. I also got to see Molly, a cousin from North Carolina that I've not see in a long time! It was great to see her and her family.

Alice, Milo, Ruby, and Grace

The whole crew

Molly, Jess, and Zona and their families

Lastly, the Cabin.

I love our cabin in Oklahoma. Another summer tradition is going to the cabin and spending lots of time with family. I have always loved the cabin, I really can't get enough. We don't get to go out on the boat all day like old times, but we have fun! We play cards, cook good food, spend time at Hulah Lake, and enjoy our lack of technology (cell phones, TVs, movies, computers, etc.).

 Levi and Lanie playin in the Lake and Mike and the kids pretending to be asleep

This summer has been amazing so far! I've enjoyed all of it so far and there is a month full of fun and joy ahead of me to finish it. 

I'm going to finish up with a lil update of my last couple posts.

The process of having a baby...we are still working on it. We've worked out a way to make things a lil less expensive which is amazing. We still have a lot of unanswered questions, even the doctor is puzzled. I am having a procedure done this week to check more intensively what is going on inside of me. Pray it all works out and a baby is in our near future.

Losing weight...I've lost a few more pounds, not as many as I would have liked, but a few is better than none! Yesterday I tried on a pair of dress pants I wore to a wedding last summer that were pretty tight and they were too big! I couldn't wear them and I was so excited! I have a goal for the rest of the summer, I want to lose 10 pounds before school starts. This is a pretty tough goal for me, but we'll see what happens.

20/20

More posting to my blog this summer? Yes, please. I love to have more time to think through blogging.

What is 20/20? You may ask.

Drum roll please...that is how much weight Mike and I have lost! We have both lost 20 lbs., it has been since January when we realized we needed to get our act together and get healthy. The hard part was we are decently healthy to start with and figured we wouldn't have much success. BUT I would say 20/20 is a success. Do we still have a lot of work to do? YES. My final goal includes losing 40 more pounds. The best part about losing weight is actually doing it. Haha. I've lost weight before, but I put it back on pretty easy. In the last 5ish years I've been really GREAT at yo-yo dieting. A few pounds off and double back on and so on and so on and so on. I didn't really see 20 lbs. in 5 months as a great thing until I realized although it happened slowly I never put weight back on that I had lost. This time I've kept off every pound and that is very new.

So, you might ask how did we do it? Well...we've watched our eating and we are more active. At the beginning of the year we put all of our food into fitday.com. This showed us how many calories we were taking in and how much activity we were/not getting. This didn't last too long because it is a lot of work, but I very easily learned what I could or could not eat and what combinations worked together. This was a great starting point. Then I started to work out every morning before work. This was good, but a struggle. Not like you think, you would think I had a hard time getting up, nope that was the easy part. The hard part was I was not losing weight (I wasn't gainin either) because I was putting on muscle. Well, since school has been out I've not been working out as much, but I have been eating when I'm hungry. What a concept! During school it was hard because there were specified times during the day that I could or could not eat. Now I have an open book. I learned that you don't have to eat at 8am, noon, and 6pm. It is ok to eat at different times of the day. I've also learned that you don't have to eat a full meal. If you want a sandwich at 11am and then some yogurt at 12:30pm and then something else at 3pm that is ok. There are no rules to eating and meal times, which is something I kept forgetting. I can make my own rules! I love that idea. And lastly, if any of you know my husband you know he is a coach...this doesn't stop after he gets off the field. He is the best encourager and he loves to work out. Everyday he asks me to work out, he knows I don't like being told what to do, so he doesn't pressure me, but he does encourage me.

Next time I blog about losing weight it will not be 20/20...it will be greater! Go Johnson's Go! Hah.

Sharing my heart (caution: personal info and a little bit of sadness ahead)

Ok so to warn you this post is very personal. I have had some qualms about writing it...thinking maybe people wouldn't want to hear about my sadness, but then I got to thinking this is MY blog and if people don't want to read that is their choice. I was also thinking this morning that the title of this blog is Living to be me, is that true if I don't write about what is important to me? So here goes.

There is something in every woman's life that can be hell or can be a blessing. It is called their period. When you're young it is part of becoming a woman. Some people see it as a blessing when they get it, that means they're not pregnant and life can go on as normal. For me when it comes it brings high emotions (and mine are a roller coaster anyway), lots of tears, stress, and pain. Fun right? Hah (enter sarcastic face). In my teen life I was thankful when it came because it didn't come very often, I knew that wasn't normal, so when it came I was thankful. Which brings me to my point that now for the last two years I cry and feel heartbroken every month when I get my period. When you're trying to get pregnant getting your period is the last thing you want. Each month it comes and I start over in feeling discouraged and sad.

A year ago I missed a period and after peeing on a stick I found out I was pregnant. I can't explain the joy in that positive. I felt like a year of waiting was a long time and it was finally my time. A few weeks later I lost my sweet baby in a miscarriage. Now that was an entirely different feeling that once again I can't explain. Being told that it happens to a lot of women did NOT help me get through the pain. When I am grieving it doesn't help me to hear that it happens to other people. Maybe it is selfish, but I don't want to hear other's sorrow, I want to deal with my own in my own way.

A year later here I am praying each month I don't get my period. Each month I take pills on very specific days of my "cycle" (hate that term, but really there is not a better one), I get a sonogram that costs me $150 because insurance doesn't pay to help me have a baby (another subject for another day on how I feel about that),  I inject myself with a medicine that costs $100 for one shot, I pee on a stick for a week to test ovulation, we have scheduled sex (which is the only easy part of the process), and then I wait 2 weeks to find out if we were successful. THEN if I do start my period I still have to take a pregnancy test to be sure it's not a miscarriage. It is expensive, but that isn't the hard part. The obvious hard part is not getting pregnant.

Another struggle is the hormones. If you knew me before all of the medicine, you know I'm emotional anyway and if you know me after the medicine you can see the toll it is taking on me. Before the medicine I would be a mess sometimes, but now even more I cry unexpectedly, I can't control my mood swings, and I go from high to low in .25 seconds. These high doses of medicine screw with my hormones, which in turn correlates with the stress this causes our marriage. We have done really well considering. We've had some really rough patches, but in the end I am thankful that I married the man that I did. Mike is my rock here on earth and the fact that we both believe in God and have a relationship with Jesus is the glue to our relationship with each other.

Another struggle I have in this whole ordeal is comparing myself with other women. It kills me when I hear about women that get to prevent pregnancy until they are ready and then poof they are pregnant soon after starting to try. I feel so jealous, a feeling I hate and am working on, but it seems like I start at square one every time I come across these conversations. Another aspect is when you want to be pregnant and have a baby it seems like everyone else is getting what you want. It is just like when you are single and it seems like everyone you know is getting married.

I am so happy for all of my friends that are being blessed with little ones. I really am. Am I jealous? Yes of course, but I wouldn't want my sorrow to stop anyone else's happiness. In fact I've been watching Ari (my friend's baby) for a week now and it has been amazing. I look forward to my summer with her. I love being able to be the best Aunt possible while I'm waiting to be a mom. I've been so blessed to be able to take care of Lanie and Levi on many occasions in the last 3 and a half years. They help keep joy in my heart when I feel like the pain is overcoming me.

So, I guess it is important for me to let that out because not talking about it is worse for me than talking about it. I don't want anyone to think I am a bitter and depressed by all of this I just want to share my heart openly. I am trying to see God's plan in this and trying so hard to rejoice in the Lord always (Philippians 4:4).

Writer's Block

I've written quite a few blogs since my last one and none seem worthy to post. I really want to post, say what is on my mind, update the world on my life, but I'm just not feeling it!

Things I've wanted to talk about:
-My sign class
-Watching Lanie and Levi
-New job vs. my past summer jobs
-Mike engulfed in football already
-Weddings we've been to
-Missing friends
-My best friend is engaged!
-Being on summer "break"
-Summer camps
-Fun weekends
-Planning, planning, planning
-Trying to have a baby, the hardships and the joys
-Seeing the Lord work in my life
-Summer Goals
-How I'm doing on past goals

And more...I have so much to say, I just can't get it out on a blog.

Hopefully this writer's block will end soon and I'll be back to myself with no trouble writing.

Sign Language Class

This summer I am starting an adventure in teaching. I'm really excited and hope that I have a lot of interest in my class!

We had a blast at the ZOO!

I couldn't pass up buying Levi and Lanie these cool stuffed snakes!

The day will not be a failure...

This morning I skipped my workout (for the first time in 5 weeks) BUT I'm ok with it. I am going to workout later and the day will not be a failure. As I was getting dressed this morning my shirt...that I've not worn in months...fit me better than the last time I wore it! Yay! I've not been getting the best results on the scale, but if my clothes are fitting better (or a lil to big) then I don't care what the scale says.

I have some capri's from a couple of summer's ago that are too small and my goal is to be able to wear them by June. That gives me almost 2 months to drop about one size. I think this is very attainable, but encouragment doesn't hurt, so if you want to cheer me on go ahead!

Walk by Faith

So, about two months ago I stopped listening to the Bobby Bones morning show. Not because I dislike it or it was inappropriate, but mainly because my antenna broke on the Runner and I had no radio. Now, if you know me you know how much I love that morning show, for my 45 min drive to work I was completely entertained and laughed out loud daily. Before I got my antenna fixed I decided to change my morning habits, give up a morning show I loved and spend time with the Lord each morning. More recently (since I started going to the Y before work each morning) I've listened to the radio until the morning news report and then started my payer time.

WELL the reason for the huge intro is to say how listening to Christian music really does affect me. I tend to get songs stuck in my head (when I had no radio I had a youth church song in my head for a week because it was the only music I had heard) and when the only music you hear is "Living He loved me, dying He saved me and burried He carried my sins far away" then you think that throughout the day. For me this makes a difference, other people may be able to listen to whatever (and thats totally ok). Don't get me wrong I love lots of music and I can't say that I don't ever listen to secular music.

WELL another reason for another huge intro is that this morning (I've had a very rough couple of days this week) I heard a song I've heard tons of times, but this morning the Lord SHOUTED to me (maybe at me) through this song by Jeremy Camp..." I will walk by faith even when I cannot see (You)." Today I needed to hear that. I needed to be reminded that when things seem so rough and I can't find the Lord, He is still there. He doesn't leave me. I might push Him to the back burner, but I'm always on His radar. Today I'm not having a rough day, my issue hasn't be solved, I'm still very emotional, but today I can remember that if I just walk by faith then I'll be more than ok. I could have not posted that yesterday or the day before because I very selfishly cared too much about myself to bring God into my hurt. He does not cause the hurt. He has a plan for me, I am happy with the plan? Not at the moment, but I will still have faith and I will continue to walk in that Faith, even when I cannot see what good is coming from these struggles.

Things I wish I'd Known Before I got Married by Gary Chapman

In buying this book I didn't really know what it was, but the title caught my eye. After starting it I learned that it was more of a premarital book with questions and kind of a how to aspect of what to look for in your relationship before you are married. I bought the book intending to send it to a friend, she will need it more than I did because she hasn't been through counseling. Luckily our premarital counseling taught us a lot of the same information.

My favorite chapter was chapter 12: I wish I had known that...personality profoundly influences behavior. The reason this was my favorite is mainly because I love learning about personality, personality traits, and all those things in between.
Some of the comparisons are Half Full or Half Empty, Neatniks and Slobs, Dead Sea and Babbling Brook, Passive and Aggressive, Professors and Dancers, and The Organizer and the Free Spirit. I love the section on Dead Sea and Babbling Brook mainly because Mike and I fit it perfectly! Bet you can't guess which one of us is the babbling brook??? I constantly need to be reminded that it isn't that he doesn't want to talk to me, but that he is perfectly comfortable in silence. He tells me exactly what needs to be told and not much more unless I ask. Chapman says in this book that the Babling Brook is more of a painter and the Dead Sea is a pointer; meaning I explain something with every single detail I can remember as opposed to the pointer who gives much less detail and is very "get to the point" in their communication. It was a good reminder that most Dead Seas don't mind questions and will answer if you ask, but more than likely they won't just give up the information on their own. Also that Babbling Brooks would be really hurt if they were told to get to the point or to stop talking.
I also really enjoyed this chapter because most relationships have one or the other personality types, it is cool to see which one of the couple is which. It is also really neat that you can be one or the other or you can each be a little bit of both. I would say that I may lean towards being the aggressive one in our relationship, but then there are times that I'm the passive one and Mike usually saves the day by stepping up to be the aggressive one.
Chapman mentions that if you are one way you stay that way and don't change. I think this is true to a degree, but learning from each other and working on your relationship can sometimes cause a change in re/actions.

Overall this is a great book for those of you that are in a serious relationship and are thinking about a marriage covinent with someone.

Yay for my first book review! Enjoy your afternoon.

This is the year!

This is our year for improvement. Mike and I have set some goals for ourselves. Some things were suggested by others, some are life changing, and some are strictly to try and enjoy life more!

1. We are both going to make the life change to be healthy. Not only to lose weight and to make our bodies look better, but to feel better. We have changed our diet (one main thing is to eat out less), we have implemented going to the gym, and having a better outlook on the whole plan in general. I have started going to the Y each morning (getting up at 5:20 yikes). Yes, am way more tired at the end of the day, but I seem to do better the rest of the day when I start my morning by being active. Mike plays ball 3 times a week and has been lifting everyday (he loves working out). We have a heavy bag we've been training on when it is warm outside. And how do we feel??? BETTER! We've both lost or kept off some pounds.

2. Suffering. Our home team (bible study) was challenged to find something we can do as a suffering for Christ or someone else as Christ would have done. I picked something that has always been a challenge for me...praying. I am pretty consistent in praying, but not always selflessly. I am trying to pray for others more than for myself. It has been more than a year since we started trying to get pregnant and almost a year since our miscarriage. For the last year I have prayed about and for this daily with no miss. Did I consistently pray for anything else? Anyone else? No. So my suffering is to make a consious effort to put others into my prayer life. Another way I want to change my prayers is to LISTEN! I tend to forget that you pray to talk with God, not to talk at Him! Mike decided on his suffering(s) and I am excited to cheer him on and be there for him when things get tough.

3. Read more. I really enjoy a good book, do I read very often? Not so much. I want to read more, it can't hurt! I've read a two part book by Francine Rivers over the last couple months, I loved it! I started two books recently that are not fiction, but somewhat self help books. One is on changing our soul when it comes to "dieting" (hate that word) and the other is things that you wished you would have known before you were married. I want to read these books and then review them on here so that the world can see that I'm reaching this goal.

4. Admire not critisize. I am hateful sometimes in what I think of others (and myself). I am so quick to judge it is pretty gross. I don't want to be jealous of others' success, but find joy in it and learn from it.
(Speaking of...I read Jess's blog about her March goals and I thought good for her! She is really living her life to the fullest and working hard to be happy! I admire that she wants the world to know what she is working on so that she can be held accountable.)

More to come...my break at work is over...

Porn and Pastries

Last night I attended an event hosted by my church, Westlink Christian Church, as a part of our "Porn Weekend." This event was for women only, 500 women gathered at our church for pastries, fellowship, and to hear a couple speakers from xxxchurch.com.

As you would expect this event and the advertising done by the church was a controversy in our community over the last month. I've heard before if you are not making a fuss in your community, then you are not doing your job as a congregation. In this case that statement totally applies!

Craig Gross and Shellie Warren were the guest speakers, they were merely amazing. They addressed talking to your children about sex and porn, dealing with porn addictions in your family, living a life that is pure before you enter a covenant as husband and wife, masturbation, knowing your worth as woman in the context of your sexuality, and your relationship with the Lord. They encouraged us as believers to be open about all of these issues in our families, friends, and church life!

On the website for the event, people shared their concerns about talking to their young children about sex, porn, etc. Some were offened that the church would post the word "porn" for anyone of any age to see. It was emphasized that if we can't talk about it in the church then where are these kiddos going to learn about it? Craig talked about the "sex talk" he just had with his 7 year old son. He reminded parents that if you talk about it early on you can avoid the awkward talk with an older kid that has already learned about sex from society. When you introduce it at a young age you can gradually build the comfort in talking about sex and grow with your child as they learn more. They will be more comfortable with coming to you with questions if you are open and honest with them. We are kidding ourselves if we think our youth don't know about sex and that they are not exposed! Shellie said "It they are old enough to ask the question, then they are old enough for an answer." She went on to say the answer definitely has to be age appropriate, but they need an answer.

During Q&A a woman asked about talking to her young daughter about "loving" Justin Bieber or The Jonas Brothers. Shellie gave the advice that more than anything you need to use that as a teaching moment to teach your child about the word "love" and how to use it. Encourage them to "really like him" and "love" someone you actually know and have a relationship with, I loved that advice!

When Shellie was talking about "making love" she reminded us that you don't make love with sex. You can definitely have sex and not be making love. I loved that she talked about the purpose of sex. She said that the purpose is not to procreate or to have pleasure, but the oneness that it creates with a mate.  Shellie also spoke about loving someone that loves the Lord first. That you are worth more than you give yourself credit for and that the Lord has set a path for you. She spoke about the woman as a helper, that you don't need to change for the man or strive to be with him, but that he needs you as a helper and the right one will see that in you. She reminded the women that "if the man you love is faithful to the Lord then he will be faithful to you." She encouraged single women that delay is not denile, the wait is not a no, but honoring the yeses. I really felt like she made a good point that the wait is worth it and that the Lord has a plan.

In talking with my mom (60 years old) she felt lucky to be in a situation where a different generation could learn more about the current generation. She and I talked about how people my age were just about the first people to be able to access the internet as preteens. It is a whole new world when you account for what you can access on the computer, ipods, and phones. The speakers touched on this too because it is more of an issue than it has ever been. 

Lastly, they talked about helping spouses, family members, or friends that do have sexual addictions. They gave advice on being open and building those people up and honoring the Lord by sticking with them and helping them.

I could go on forever, but I won't. I feel so blessed that the Lord has given me the ability to be open and able to talk about just about anything. I will leave you with one reminder...use the abilities the Lord has given you in sharing your faith, love, and spirituality

Life as a first grader

I wish we could remember our experiences like they were yesterday. I would love to see myself in first grade to see what I was like. Now that I'm 26 and in first grade things are really great, I am a total know-it-all, I rock at art class and all the kids want to play with me at recess! It amazes me each day when kids say the most amazing things. Yesterday a kid was asked his favorite body part...of course he said "nose, duh." Another one of the students said that if he had $100 he would buy "a hot rod to pick up hot chicks."

Daily I'm reminded through these kiddos how great life really is and how when we grow up and lose our childlike view on things life seems to be crap. Today my student (hard of hearing/spec ed) used a complete sentence to let another (regular ed) kid know he spelled a word with a d instead of a b. I cried. Although she stresses me out (hourly) she makes great gains each day and I get to be there for it all! I felt like today was useless and that my job was crap, until this happened and I realized that I really am shining my light for not only my student, but others around me. God never ceases to amaze me when it comes to His greatness!

Snow Days

I don't mind having snow days, especially if traveling to work is going to be crazy. I enjoy being home with my husband and not having to stress about any part of the day. It may put us a little bit behind, but really a day off is worth it!

My uncle posted about how the snow is an inconvenience to us, but that God put it there for a reason. The reason was not to inconvenience our lives, but to make us stop with the busyness of our everyday and enjoy each other, resting, and the beauty of it all. I totally agree!

First Blog of 2011~

Sharing who I am and who I strive to be is a daily thing for me. I love to talk and I love to share my experiences. Enjoy as I go on and on about nothing much, but stuff that is way important to me!