Saturday, January 28, 2012


I love Pinterest. I knew I would that is why I stayed away so long. I am hooked!

Today while browsing I saw a on my Pinterest I don't usually repost things like funny pictures or quotes, or what have you. So instead of reposting on Pinterest, I printed it on scrapbook paper and am going to frame it and I'm also posting it on here. It is one of those quotes that when read at certain points in your life it fits so well. I have this happen all the time with music and bible verses, but today it is this quote that made me take a deep breath and say to myself "I needed that." So..with no further ado..
"The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held on so long."
That's it. You all know some of the reasons why this is so important in my life right now and I can't even begin to explain all of the reasons why. Some things I've been struggling with for 15 years, a few years, and even a few weeks.

I love to be crafty, bake, cook, and organize. Oh, Pinterest you make my heart happy.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Facing the Storm

I really don't intend to bum y'all out every time I post, but this blog is for me to be me. If you know me, you know that I like to talk through the rough times. It helps me so much to be able to let out the things that are on my heart.

First let me tell you how the Lord is working in me. Our first service at Goddard went well. The day before I hurt my foot, so I was on crutches that morning, but that was really the biggest hiccup. I really see great things happening with Pathway Church (Westlink and Goddard Campus). I am really excited about this new adventure. It's like a fight for me. I am fighting how great it really is because this is the road the Lord has chosen for me. It is an amazing road, but not the road I would have picked. You see there is this pull on the heart when you are involved in great things, but are hoping for other great things. I don't want anyone to think I'm unhappy. I would say depression doesn't always mean you are unhappy. I am very happy being involved in my church. It makes my heart happy. I don't do it because it is "what a good Christian should do," I do it because I love my Lord and I love His people.

So that life is good, I have an AMAZING husband, a wonderful supportive family, a cool job with great co-workers, an awesome Church family, a home, a car, and I can pay my bills (barely, but I can), I eat every meal and more sometimes, I have a cell phone, computer, Internet, a printer/scanner, a camera, lots of cool things for my kitchen, great talents in cooking, baking, and crafting. I am happy, but also human.

My heart aches for the thing I don't have. Yes I'd love to own a home, have a new car, go on amazing vacations, but those things are superficial. I can get over those. My heart aches for children. I really struggle with looking at what others have that I don't have.  I just can't understand why I have to wait. It may never happen to me, that is a reality. I once was pregnant. My heart can't seem to deal with the fact that in January 2012 I should be having a one year birthday party for my sweet baby. I believe there is a process of grief, but it doesn't mean the pain ever goes away. My Grandma lost a baby over 60 years ago and she is still grieving. She has showed me that it is ok to grieve forever and she is a blessing to have as an example.

We have started the process of adopting. We haven't figured out which avenue we will use, there are so many options. We have a lot to think about and pray about in the process. Hopefully I will have wonderful things to say about that as we go. It may be hard I know that, but the ultimate goal in the end is to have a baby and that makes it worth it.

Today I am leaving you with an excerpt from a devotional app called Girlfriends in God, it is talking about depression and accepting your "pit."

To wait means to accept the pit.
Picture yourself falling into a slimy pit. Your first reaction, like mine, would probably be to frantically claw and struggle, fighting your way out! When you have used up every ounce of energy, you stop struggling and sit down to rest, waiting for help because that is all you can do. You have no other options. When hard times come, we immediately begin to beg and bargain for rescue - for a way of escape. God loves us too much to waste our pain. It is a shallow love that always rescues easily. It is a depthless love that always rescues quickly. Sometimes our Father says wait. So be patient, accept your pit, and know that He is at work.