Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Things I wish I'd Known Before I got Married by Gary Chapman

In buying this book I didn't really know what it was, but the title caught my eye. After starting it I learned that it was more of a premarital book with questions and kind of a how to aspect of what to look for in your relationship before you are married. I bought the book intending to send it to a friend, she will need it more than I did because she hasn't been through counseling. Luckily our premarital counseling taught us a lot of the same information.

My favorite chapter was chapter 12: I wish I had known that...personality profoundly influences behavior. The reason this was my favorite is mainly because I love learning about personality, personality traits, and all those things in between.
Some of the comparisons are Half Full or Half Empty, Neatniks and Slobs, Dead Sea and Babbling Brook, Passive and Aggressive, Professors and Dancers, and The Organizer and the Free Spirit. I love the section on Dead Sea and Babbling Brook mainly because Mike and I fit it perfectly! Bet you can't guess which one of us is the babbling brook??? I constantly need to be reminded that it isn't that he doesn't want to talk to me, but that he is perfectly comfortable in silence. He tells me exactly what needs to be told and not much more unless I ask. Chapman says in this book that the Babling Brook is more of a painter and the Dead Sea is a pointer; meaning I explain something with every single detail I can remember as opposed to the pointer who gives much less detail and is very "get to the point" in their communication. It was a good reminder that most Dead Seas don't mind questions and will answer if you ask, but more than likely they won't just give up the information on their own. Also that Babbling Brooks would be really hurt if they were told to get to the point or to stop talking.
I also really enjoyed this chapter because most relationships have one or the other personality types, it is cool to see which one of the couple is which. It is also really neat that you can be one or the other or you can each be a little bit of both. I would say that I may lean towards being the aggressive one in our relationship, but then there are times that I'm the passive one and Mike usually saves the day by stepping up to be the aggressive one.
Chapman mentions that if you are one way you stay that way and don't change. I think this is true to a degree, but learning from each other and working on your relationship can sometimes cause a change in re/actions.

Overall this is a great book for those of you that are in a serious relationship and are thinking about a marriage covinent with someone.

Yay for my first book review! Enjoy your afternoon.

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